Sometimes...In my life

when it rains it pours.

When Aja's diagnosis came through, I didn't do my typical "why me" thing that I usually do when something difficult comes my way. Sure, I had my moments where I broke down, but as I have educated myself and we have gotten Aja the help she needs, I feel more confident in my and her abilities to react appropriately when the time comes.

Now, I'm not so sure. This might be a little pre-mature, and I hope it really is nothing, but the Lord may have blessed us with 2 special needs kids.

Cohen, our non-talker, has now qualified for Early Intervention through the state because he is showing signs of Autism. As some of you may know he doesn't talk. He says like 4 words. Each of these words has not gotten clearer as time has gone on. So, when the evaluator came for Aja I asked her if they would send one out for Cohen, and they did. Basically she did a test with him and then asked us a bunch of questions about Cohen's behavior. When she tallied up the final "score" he basically score 0-3 months on everything with scattered skills up to 18 months. I think there was 1 thing that he showed scattered skills up to his age (27 months), but the majority was only 18 months.

I have had a lot of family members tell me that they don't think he is autistic because of how he acts around them, but the thing is is that there is such a wide array of autistic "symptoms" that there is nothing that is "classic" to diagnose the condition. That is why it's called autism spectrum disorder. Cohen's "symptoms" are: He doesn't talk (he did for awhile and then around 18 months stopped completely), he doesn't interact with children or engage in play, he doesn't really interact with Mitch and I (he's usually off by himself and if I try to engage him he shows minimal interest and then goes back to doing his own thing), loves videos (weird I know because what kid doesn't like videos! I'm going to have to ask the nurse more on this one so she can explain it better to me), short attention span, no fear of strangers and acts indifferent when a stranger comes to the house (meaning he doesn't want to show off or engage with them (isn't curious)). There are many more things that he does that have caused my "red flags" to go up.

Anyway, we will be having a lot of evaluators coming into the house and then we will see a Developmental Pediatrician that specializes in developmental disorders and can give him an "official" diagnosis. I'm praying I'm wrong...I really am. For the longest time we have just told ourselves that Cohen is stubborn and that it will happen eventually, but the other things that he exhibits have caused me to question that statement. We should know sometime at the beginning of August when I can get him into the pediatrician.

Right now I feel like hitting my head against a wall. Why?? This beautiful little boy of mine won't/can't communicate with me and it's so frustrating and heart breaking. I so looked forward to hearing his little voice as he got older. Anyway, I will write more on this as we have the evaluators come in. I'm in a dark place right now and just struggling to put on a happy face.