Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Lately (okay so like the last three days) I've been feeling very frustrated. Not only with myself but with my children. I hate saying that, but I can safely say that all of us as mother's have have been there at one time or another. If you're saying that you haven't, then you're a big fat liar. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I wanted to just type out what I've been feeling lately and maybe I will get some feedback that will be helpful.

1. To go to school or to not go to school. This has been a question going through my head for about a month now. I'll be honest with you. I'm scared as hell to go back to school. I still have a semi-young child who needs me, I don't want to be gone all day long right now stuck in a class room, and with me suffering from depression/anxiety is it the "smart" thing to do right now or will it just make things worse? Then again, I need something to fall back on to in the event that Mitch got sick or died (ugh..the thought). So what do you do? Do you grin and bear it and do the best you can and possibly fail or do you wait until you're ready? The problem with "waiting until your ready" is that you could NEVER be ready.

I found this quote and I've read it a lot and I believe in it. I just need to have faith. But do I have faith that I will find a job that I can do without going to school or do I go to school? I don't know.

"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety."

2. Anessa. Peyton. Cohen. Aja. I wish I could list them from greatest problems to least, but to be honest...they are all equal. I don't want to get to greatly into each of their problems; it's enough for me to say that all of them are giving me ulcers and I don't know what to do. It's not behavioral either..well except for Aja. Hers is behavioral. Cohen's is a mixture of behavioral and his disability.

3. I want a puppy. Badly. I've read that dogs can help a person with depression/anxiety. I don't think it would be a cure, but I do think it would ease a lot of the tension I feel on a daily basis. Mitch is against it. It bums me out. To the point of tears. The last time we had dogs I wasn't able to take care of them the way they needed. Reasoning behind it is because I was either pregnant or nursing all the time. Also, Mitch wouldn't let the dogs in the house and so I couldn't work with them like I wanted to. He says that it would just be adding another thing to my "stress list" and I can see where he is coming from, but I can see my point as well. Besides, how can you say no to this?

Anyway, those are the three biggest things that I'm dealing with right now. Any tips, advice, texts and emails are appreciated. Love to all!


Liz said...

I will have to skip right over #2 on your list because I have no kidlets. However, I just went back to school in a program I'd been out of for 3 years. It's been difficult, I've felt dumb and old, but I love where it takes my mind. It makes me forget about my job (that I don't like) and it makes me forget that sometimes I feel like I don't know how to do anything. My frustration has been I'll want to start on kids while I'm still finishing up, but I know I need to finish (for the same reasons you mentioned) and I am trying to have faith that it'll work itself out.
pets-I grew up with dogs and loved crying into her face when I was upset. As an adult I've had to settle for cats and I love it. I don't honestly know if that's an option for you, but I too have anxiety (mostly) and depression issues and my animals help me calm down in a way that a human can't help me with.
ps-I know we haven't seen each other in a long long time, but I miss you. :)

Marlee said...

I say go to school! I'm a graduate student finishing my Master's in counseling, along with a bachelor's in Nutrition. It IS difficult, but many programs offer online classes or slow track programs. You might only have to take 2 classes a semester. It takes longer to get your degree, but it's much more doable than being full-time.

There are also tons of scholarship and financial aid programs for parents, and some schools even have programs like childcare while you are in class.

My blog is about juggling full-time graduate school with full-time work. Here's one about buying textbooks:

Anyway I say good luck. You are capable of more than you think!

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Rob-bear said...

Dogs are good for helping those of us who live with anxiety and/or depression. I have had a few.

Sadly, when we sold the house and moved to the apartment, I could not bring her with me.

She is doing fine in the country. I, on the other hand, have a large, dog-shaped hole in my heart, and am having much more difficulty in living with my depression.

Blessings and Bear hugs.