Lately (okay so like the last three days) I've been feeling very frustrated. Not only with myself but with my children. I hate saying that, but I can safely say that all of us as mother's have have been there at one time or another. If you're saying that you haven't, then you're a big fat liar. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I wanted to just type out what I've been feeling lately and maybe I will get some feedback that will be helpful.
1. To go to school or to not go to school. This has been a question going through my head for about a month now. I'll be honest with you. I'm scared as hell to go back to school. I still have a semi-young child who needs me, I don't want to be gone all day long right now stuck in a class room, and with me suffering from depression/anxiety is it the "smart" thing to do right now or will it just make things worse? Then again, I need something to fall back on to in the event that Mitch got sick or died (ugh..the thought). So what do you do? Do you grin and bear it and do the best you can and possibly fail or do you wait until you're ready? The problem with "waiting until your ready" is that you could NEVER be ready.
I found this quote and I've read it a lot and I believe in it. I just need to have faith. But do I have faith that I will find a job that I can do without going to school or do I go to school? I don't know.
"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety."
2. Anessa. Peyton. Cohen. Aja. I wish I could list them from greatest problems to least, but to be honest...they are all equal. I don't want to get to greatly into each of their problems; it's enough for me to say that all of them are giving me ulcers and I don't know what to do. It's not behavioral either..well except for Aja. Hers is behavioral. Cohen's is a mixture of behavioral and his disability.
3. I want a puppy. Badly. I've read that dogs can help a person with depression/anxiety. I don't think it would be a cure, but I do think it would ease a lot of the tension I feel on a daily basis. Mitch is against it. It bums me out. To the point of tears. The last time we had dogs I wasn't able to take care of them the way they needed. Reasoning behind it is because I was either pregnant or nursing all the time. Also, Mitch wouldn't let the dogs in the house and so I couldn't work with them like I wanted to. He says that it would just be adding another thing to my "stress list" and I can see where he is coming from, but I can see my point as well. Besides, how can you say no to this?
Anyway, those are the three biggest things that I'm dealing with right now. Any tips, advice, texts and emails are appreciated. Love to all!