Needless to say, I'm devastated. I was pretty stoked when I read the initial report and it said "No Dyslexia", but I didn't really know what everything else meant as they did many tests that I'm not familiar with. So I waited it out hoping and praying that the "other" scenario I was thinking of wasn't even an option. Boy, was I wrong.
What can I say? What do I say?
Anessa can hardly communicate. Of course she can communicate basic needs/wants, but when it comes to more complex things, forget about it. She can't even tell me a story. I have to try and guess what she's trying to say. For example: She was trying to tell my Grandma about the Grumpy Art Ladies (as Anessa likes to call them). She kept saying they have the "perfect time". Perfect time? So I asked her what she meant by that, and she couldn't tell me. She just kept saying they were grumpy and they have the perfect time and her class doesn't. The end result of this story was: The Grumpy Art Ladies don't give her class enough time to finish their projects. They, the Grumpy Art Ladies, get to finish their projects therefore giving them the perfect time. This story is a typical interaction between Anessa and me every single day. It's hard to deal with sometimes. Anessa can process what you are telling her on the inside, she can't get it out. She has such a hard time doing any type of homework because she knows the concepts, knows what she needs to do, but can't verbalize it enough to be able to do it. And school is such a "verbal" environment that she's always going to be behind.
I guess right now I'm wondering..Where did I go wrong? What didn't I do for her that she needed? But I have to remember that I did EVERYTHING that I could and knew how to do for Anessa. Before she even started Kindegarten, I met with her teacher and said "this little girl has a problem. I don't know what, but she has one" and got her signed up for testing immediately. Whenever we have changed schools, I have kept up on getting them all her paperwork and getting her back into Resource as soon as possible.
So I asked the professional who did her testing what Anessa's future holds for her. She recommended getting her into speech therapy and to get her evaluated by the Communicative Disorders clinic. Will she have this problem for the rest of her life? Yes. She's always going to be behind her peers and be immature for her age.
Anessa is the most accepting little girl I have ever met. She is compassionate and tries to be kind to everyone. That is one thing we have really tried to instill in our children. Is that they be kind and accepting of everyone regardless of race, religion, past behaviours and so on. Especially those with handicapps. She has so many good qualities about her, but those are the two that really stand out in her and the ones that people notice the most. What everyone needs to remember is that Anessa is the same little girl she always has been. Not even a "diagnosis" can change that. It just tells us that now we know what is going on and we can get her what she needs.
I guess yesterday's talks in Sacrament and Relief Society were preparing me for this day. They were both basically about our trials in life. In RS it was about dealing with our own Liberty Jails that we encounter on our way through life. It was about facing our trials and learing something from them. To quote the teacher "What a waste to recieve a trial and to learn nothing from it". That really stands out to me. I know that I have been given a lot of trials in the last couple of years, but I think that was to help me progress and to find my strengths and not to remain a stagnant person. I know that Heavenly Father is telling me that I need to have the faith to endure the frustrating and heartbreaking times and to lean on him when it seems to be too much. For some reason he saw fit to bless me with 3 children with special needs. And while I sometimes wonder what the heck he was thinking, I wouldn't change it at all. My kids do so many other wonderful things that are beyond "book smarts" that make them each unique and "smart" in my eyes and I love them endlessly for it. They have taught me to be a better person and a better mom.
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3 comments:
Monique - do you know how amazing you are? You really are. I think about you all the time and what a great mom you are to your children. I don't know how you do it but they must have been sent to you for a reason. I'm praying for you and your kids, especially Anessa. This has to be so tough and I hope you know that I look up to you and respect you so much.
I agree with you... Annessa is a kind and loving little girl. A diagnosis doesn't change the child it just gives direction for needs. I was going to ask you does she get language services at school? If not that is where I would begin. They can do a lot of the evaluations right in the district.
Wow, you totally made me cry!! I'm so sorry this is all happening, but I know you don't have any regrets at all and I can see that you are allowing yourself to grow from all of your experiences. I really love that quote from RS, it is soo true! Anessa is really the sweetest thing!! So kind, so helpful, so willing and full of love. I agree, I think a diagnosis is not a label, but a direction, what a blessing! Hang in there. I know you are a lot tougher than you even think.
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